My Favourite Books on Mental Health

Hi guys, as I'm sure most of you already know I suffer with mental health issues. Over the years since being diagnosed with PTSD, OCD, Anxiety and Depression I've read countless books featuring characters with mental illnesses. Today I wanted to share with you some of the best books I've come across in that time. I thought that all of the books mentioned in this post represented mental health in a really honest light. If you're suffering with your mental health or know someone who is I hope that these books help and make you feel a little less alone.

Am I Normal Yet? by Holly Bourne 
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Deals With: OCD, Anxiety 
Synopsis: "All Evie wants is to be normal. She’s almost off her meds and at a new college where no one knows her as the girl-who-went-crazy. She’s even going to parties and making friends. There’s only one thing left to tick off her list…

But relationships are messy – especially relationships with teenage guys. They can make any girl feel like they’re going mad. And if Evie can’t even tell her new friends Amber and Lottie the truth about herself, how will she cope when she falls in love?"

Why I Love It- Being totally honest here, if I had to choose one book as my favourite on this list it would be Am I Normal Yet? When it comes to OCD, anxiety and just growing up as a girl, Holly Bourne really gets it. I've suffered from debilitating OCD in the past and this book portrayed the thoughts and feelings I went through at that time so accurately that it's scary. This book is an absolute must read.

When We Collided by Emery Lord 
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Deals With: Bipolar Disorder, Depression 
Synopsis: "Meet Vivi and Jonah: A girl and a boy whose love has the power save or destroy them.

Vivi and Jonah couldn't be more different. Vivi craves anything joyful or beautiful that life can offer. Jonah has been burdened by responsibility for his family ever since his father died. As summer begins, Jonah resigns himself to another season of getting by. Then Vivi arrives, and suddenly life seems brighter and better. Jonah is the perfect project for Vivi, and things finally feel right for Jonah. Their love is the answer to everything. But soon Vivi's zest for life falters, as her adventurousness becomes true danger-seeking. Jonah tries to keep her safe, but there's something important Vivi hasn't told him."

Why I Love It- I read When We Collided very recently and absolutely fell in love with it. What I really liked about this book is that it not only follows someone living with a mental illness but also someone who loves someone with a mental illness. I'd especially recommend this book to anyone who is trying to support someone who has either depression or bipolar disorder.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky 
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Deals With: PTSD, Social Anxiety, Depression 
Synopsis:"Charlie is a freshman. And while he's not the biggest geek in the school, he is by no means popular. Shy, introspective, intelligent beyond his years yet socially awkward, he is a wallflower, caught between trying to live his life and trying to run from it. Charlie is attempting to navigate his way through uncharted territory: the world of first dates and mixed tapes, family dramas and new friends; the world of sex, drugs, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show, when all one requires is that perfect song on that perfect drive to feel infinite. But Charlie can't stay on the sideline forever. Standing on the fringes of life offers a unique perspective. But there comes a time to see what it looks like from the dance floor."

Why I Love It- The Perks of Being a Wallflower has become a bit of a mental health classic and if you've read it then you'll know why. This is a book that really gets it right and somehow manages to put those dark, devastating feelings into coherent sentences. When I read this back in 2012 I remember reading passages out to my parents and saying "This is what it's like for me!" It also has a stellar film adaptation that is well worth watching after reading this book.

Underwater by Marisa Reichardt 
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Deals With: PTSD, Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Panic Attacks
Synopsis:"Morgan didn’t mean to do anything wrong that day. Actually, she meant to do something right. But her kind act inadvertently played a role in a deadly tragedy. In order to move on, Morgan must learn to forgive—first someone who did something that might be unforgivable, and then herself.

But Morgan can’t move on. She can’t even move beyond the front door of the apartment she shares with her mother and little brother. Morgan feels like she’s underwater, unable to surface. Unable to see her friends. Unable to go to school.

When it seems Morgan can’t hold her breath any longer, a new boy moves in next door. Evan reminds her of the salty ocean air and the rush she used to get from swimming. He might be just what she needs to help her reconnect with the world outside."

Why I Love It- Underwater is another fairly recent read for me that I read in January this year. The character in this book is actually housebound because of her mental illnesses which is something that I was for a while so I found this book incredibly relatable. This book focuses more on mental health recovery which I found really refreshing to read. I loved the hopeful message that things can and will get better. No matter what you've been through and how bad your mental illnesses are there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson 
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Deals With: Eating Disorders, Anorexia
Synopsis:"“Dead girl walking”, the boys say in the halls.
“Tell us your secret”, the girls whisper, one toilet to another.
I am that girl. I am the space between my thighs, daylight shining through. I am the bones they want, wired on a porcelain frame.

Lia and Cassie are best friends, wintergirls frozen in matchstick bodies, competitors in a deadly contest to see who can be the skinniest. But what comes after size zero and size double-zero? When Cassie succumbs to the demons within, Lia feels she is being haunted by her friend’s restless spirit."

Why I Love It- Like Perks, Wintergirls has also become a mental health classic over the years. I read this one way back in 2009 but to this day it still sticks with me as being the best book that I've read about anorexia. This wasn't a book that I could personally relate to but it was one that really opened my eyes to the world of eating disorders. I remember it being incredibly powerful and evocative to read and like all Laurie Halse Anderson books it's beautifully written.

Beautiful Broken Things 
by Sara Barnard 
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Deals With: PTSD, Anxiety, Depression 
Synopsis:"I was brave
She was reckless
We were trouble

Best friends Caddy and Rosie are inseparable. Their differences have brought them closer, but as she turns sixteen Caddy begins to wish she could be a bit more like Rosie – confident, funny and interesting. Then Suzanne comes into their lives: beautiful, damaged, exciting and mysterious, and things get a whole lot more complicated. As Suzanne’s past is revealed and her present begins to unravel, Caddy begins to see how much fun a little trouble can be. But the course of both friendship and recovery is rougher than either girl realises, and Caddy is about to learn that downward spirals have a momentum of their own."

Why I Love It- Beautiful Broken Things is one of my favourite reads of this year so far and one that I've been pushing absolutely everyone to read. I'd especially recommend this to anyone who has a friend with a mental illness as this book shows how best to (and best not) support them.

There are so many incredible books out there representing mental health, these are just a handful of my favourites. I have so many books sitting on my bookcase featuring mental health that I have yet to read. Whatever you're going through you are not alone. I want to end this post by leaving a link to this excellent list on Goodreads sharing books dealing with mental illness that is well worth checking out.

YALC Diary: Saturday Day One

It’s Saturday which means it’s officially day one of YALC! Rach and I travelled to London last night and I have to say that the weekend didn’t start well for me.

After a hot and sweaty tube ride that involved carrying bags of heavy books up and down flights of stairs I was looking forward to a good night’s sleep so I’d feel rested and ready for a busy weekend. Unfortunately I had no such luck.

Our hotel is great in itself however I was given an unfortunate room located on the ground floor of a busy street. There’s no air con so if I don’t want to boil myself alive I have to sleep with the window open which not only lets in all of the street noise but all of the smoke from the guest smoking pit outside too. That along with my neighbours and their kids checking in next door to me at 4am left this asthmatic insomniac with only a few hours’ sleep. Needless to say this morning I was tired, flustered and running low on patience.

The first thing I saw before Earls Court itself was swarms and swarms of people queueing to get inside. I was immediately overwhelmed. We were standing in line and being moved around for what felt like forever under the beating sun and to make matters worse we had a group blatantly push in right in front of us. Luckily Rach and I had this nice guy and his young son behind us who wasn’t having any of it and told them so but unfortunately that led to them getting the hump and shouting at us which really put me on edge with my PTSD.

Me (left) and Rach (right) waiting to get in

When we finally got in thousands of people were literally packed in like sardines in a tin, there was no air con, sweat was dripping from people and I basically felt like I’d made a huge mistake in estimating how well I could handle this.

YALC itself was a roaring success there’s no doubt about it but I have to be honest and say that I don’t think that LFCC was the right place to host it and I know that pretty much everybody I spoke to felt the same way. The majority of readers are quiet, introverted people and I know that for a lot of us Comic Con was too much.

Not only was LFCC ridiculously overcrowded but the Book Zone was placed in a small corner of the venue right next to Stan Lee’s event which were obviously massively popular. I attended one panel and one workshop and after that gave up on them because I couldn’t hear a thing that was said over the noise of the crowd which was really disappointing as I’m sure what the authors had to say was very interesting.

Another issue I had was that there was no clear queue’s for signings and nobody was monitoring them which lead to more than one queue waiting for one author and a lot of pushing in which was very annoying after waiting for a good hour for some guests.

To be honest it was absolute chaos which is completely understandable being the first ever YALC. I don’t think anybody was prepared for the popularity of the event but now that they know that there’s a big audience for it I hope that these issues can be resolved next year and I think the biggest change needs to be a YALC only venue.

The Book Zone had this lovely little chill out area with a book wall and beanbag chairs. It was the perfect place to escape to catch a breather and talk to other book lovers. I’m being completely honest in saying that I don’t think I would have stuck around all day if I didn’t have such good people around me. I was so touched by everybody who came up to me asking how I was finding it and I loved that so many of you shared your own experiences with anxiety, panic attacks and OCD with me. It was so cathartic to share stories and get through this crazy day together.

My biggest convention lesson learned is to talk to the people around you. After all you obviously share the same interests which are a great ice breaker! It was so lovely to not only finally meet blogger friends but to also meet new bookish people. Rach and I were queueing to meet Rainbow Rowell for a good hour and got chatting to some lovely girls in front of us which made the time pass really quickly. Funnily enough after that we kept bumping into each other in different queues completely by chance and so we dubbed ourselves “queue buddies.” What was even more surreal was when I gave Charlotte my Twitter handle only to find out that we already follow each other! Small world!

Queue Buddies!

A really random moment for me was when I accidentally bumped into somebody and turned around to apologise only to see that that person was Lena Headey who plays Cersei in Game of Thrones. Turns out that the Book Zone being right next to the Green Room definitely had its perks!

I met so many wonderful authors and bloggers today both at YALC and The Fringe afterwards. I’d love to give a shout out to every single person I met but there are just too many of you and I’m bound to forget somebody which I’d feel terrible about. I will say that everybody I met was absolutely lovely and if I met you please know that I had such a great time talking to you!

UKYA book bloggers at The Fringe

Today’s author highlights for me were C.J. Skuse, Holly Bourne and Natasha Ngan who all made plenty of time to chat to their fans. I also really enjoyed meeting Patrick Ness and Rainbow Rowell although due to their MAHOOSIVE queues it was only a quick “hi” and “bye” which is completely understandable. I was just so happy to meet them at all!

Rainbow Rowell signing books

The lovely Holly Bourne signing my books

Overall Saturday was a rollercoaster of emotions with plenty of highs and lows. It was chaotic and stressful but also wonderful and exciting. The lovely people around me really made today what it was and that has made me love the UKYA community even more, if such a thing is possible.

Check out Day Two of my YALC Diary here

For more of my Saturday adventures check out Rach's write up here

YALC is happening and I'm freaking out!

The thing about anxiety is that there is no room for excitement. If you think about it anxiety is pretty much the opposite of excitement and so it makes sense that even when I'm really looking forward to something my default reaction is to freak out and worry about it.

YALC is happening in a few days and my anxiety is really kicking in. I hate that anxiety takes away all of the fun in looking forward to something but I also know from years of experience that all of the worst case scenarios that my head is making up are very unlikely to actually happen. Today I thought it might be therapeutic to share all of my worries with you guys because who knows? Maybe some of you have felt the same way or are also having similar worries about YALC.

Anxiety and OCD
1.) Part of my OCD means that I need my days to be as scheduled as possible. I'm probably the least spontaneous person you'll ever meet. Although I have a schedule written up for YALC I know that this probably isn't going to go to plan. Panel's might run out of tickets, I might be queuing for longer than anticipated for signings, and with the workshop tickets having a lottery system there's no guarantee that I'll get into them at all. Knowing that my day won't be perfectly structured is a really difficult thing for me to deal with.

2.) I'm going to YALC with my best friend Rachel but there are a couple of things we want to do separately. There is also the chance that one of us will get into a workshop and the other won't. This means that there will be times where I'm going to be alone in a really busy crowd which can sometimes lead to a panic attack.

3.) What if I have a panic attack when I'm in a queue and I have to leave and forfeit my place? What if I have a panic attack because I'm in a crowd and feeling claustrophobic? What if I have a panic attack and I'm alone? I know I can always go outside for some space and fresh air and luckily our hotel is 5 minutes away if I feel like I need a longer break but when I'm in the midst of an attack I'm not always thinking clearly.

General Worries
1.) My brain does this thing where it likes to think of every worst case scenario that could happen and torture me with it: Missing a train, forgetting tickets, horrible hotel, lost booking, finding where we need to go etc; I'm especially worried about the things that are my responsibility such as looking after the tickets which links back to my OCD and having to check that they're in my bag several times.

2.) What if nobody likes me? It's one thing talking to bloggers, authors and publicists online but meeting them? What if I'm not who they expect me to be? What if I'm a disappointment? What if I don't fit in? I haven't been to a proper blogger event before and I'm really nervous to meet so many online people at once. Especially as I know that after years of blogging and going to events a lot of other bloggers know one another really well and although I've been doing this for a long time this will be my first time meeting everyone and that scares me. Should I approach people and say hello? Or would they rather be left alone?

3.) Being an anxious person I tend to be either really quiet or full of nervous energy and chatting away none stop. I'm very socially awkward and have always said that I communicate better through my hands and writing than I do with talking. What if I come across as a nervous babbling idiot?

Some of you might be reading this thinking "if you're that worried why bother going at all?" The thing with anxiety is that it's not fact. They're just thoughts and the worst case scenarios hardly ever happen. I know full well that I'll probably have one of the best weekends of my life but that doesn't stop my brain from ruining the anticipation. All too often in my life anxiety has held me back and my approach to dealing with it over the last couple of years is feel the fear and do it anyway. I also love these quotes from Just One Day by Gayle Forman a book that really changed my life.

“I think everything is happening all the time, but if you don't put yourself in the path of it, you miss it.” ― Gayle Forman, Just One Day 

“It's funny the things you think you're scared of until they're upon you, and then you're not.” ― Gayle Forman, Just One Day 

I think you do things that scare you, and that makes you braver than those adrenaline junkies who bungee-jump off bridges.” ― Gayle Forman, Just One Day 

“You thought too hard. Same with travel. You can't work too much at it, or it feels like work. You have to surrender yourself to the chaos. To the accidents.” ― Gayle Forman, Just One Day

These particular quotes for this particular event hold a double meaning as not only do they help me face my fears but they also remind me of why I love books and the whole reason behind this event in the first place.

I'm hoping that YALC will be one great and beautiful accident.