My Most Anticipated Autumn Releases

Hello everyone and happy autumn! I'm so excited that my favourite season has officially begun. Autumn is the season for fuzzy socks, hot chocolate, warm blankets and reading so today I wanted to share with you my most anticipated autumn releases!

It Only Happens in the Movies 
by Holly Bourne 
Publication Date: 5th October 2017 
Synopsis: "Audrey is over romance. Since her parents' relationship imploded her mother's been catatonic, so she takes a cinema job to get out of the house. But there she meets wannabe film-maker Harry. Nobody expects Audrey and Harry to fall in love as hard and fast as they do. But that doesn't mean things are easy. Because real love isn't like the movies...

The greatest love story ever told doesn't feature kissing in the snow or racing to airports. It features pain and confusion and hope and wonder and a ban on cheesy clichés. Oh, and zombies... YA star Holly Bourne tackles real love in this hugely funny and poignant novel."

Why I Can't Wait to Read it - I really don't need to explain this one do I? You guys know that I've adored Holly Bourne ever since I read an early proof of her debut novel Soulmates and I always eagerly anticipate her next book!

Forest of a Thousand Lanterns 
by Julie C. Dao 
Publication Date: 10th October 2017 
Synopsis: "An East Asian fantasy reimagining of The Evil Queen legend about one peasant girl's quest to become Empress--and the darkness she must unleash to achieve her destiny. 

Eighteen-year-old Xifeng is beautiful. The stars say she is destined for greatness, that she is meant to be Empress of Feng Lu. But only if she embraces the darkness within her. Growing up as a peasant in a forgotten village on the edge of the map, Xifeng longs to fulfill the destiny promised to her by her cruel aunt, the witch Guma, who has read the cards and seen glimmers of Xifeng's majestic future. But is the price of the throne too high? 

Because in order to achieve greatness, she must spurn the young man who loves her and exploit the callous magic that runs through her veins--sorcery fueled by eating the hearts of the recently killed. For the god who has sent her on this journey will not be satisfied until his power is absolute."

Why I Can't Wait to Read it - Literally everybody on my Goodreads friend list who has read this book early has given it a 5 star rating. I love stories from the villain's point of view looking at how they ended up that way. Throw into the mix the fact that I am in a massive fantasy mood right now and the 10th October can not come fast enough!

Anything You Do Say 
by Gillian McAllister 
Publication Date: 19th October 2017 (on Kindle) 
Synopsis: "Joanna is an avoider. So far she has spent her adult life hiding bank statements and changing career aspirations weekly. 

But then one night Joanna hears footsteps on the way home. Is she being followed? She is sure it's him; the man from the bar who wouldn't leave her alone. Hearing the steps speed up Joanna turns and pushes with all of her might, sending her pursuer tumbling down the steps and lying motionless on the floor.

Now Joanna has to do the thing she hates most - make a decision. Fight or flight? Truth or lie? Right or wrong?"

Why I Can't Wait to Read it - October for me is the month for thrillers and after loving Gillian's debut Everything But The Truth, my proof copy of Anything You Do Say is high on my TBR.

Turtles All The Way Down by John Green 
Publication Date: 10th October 2017 
Synopsis: " Sixteen-year-old Aza never intended to pursue the mystery of fugitive billionaire Russell Pickett, but there's a hundred thousand dollar reward at stake and her Best and Most Fearless Friend, Daisy, is eager to investigate. So together, they navigate the short distance and broad divides that separate them from Russell Pickett's son, Davis.

Aza is trying. She is trying to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good student, and maybe even a good detective, while also living within the ever-tightening spiral of her own thoughts.

In his long-awaited return, John Green, the acclaimed, award-winning author of Looking for Alaska and The Fault in Our Stars, shares Aza's story with shattering, unflinching clarity in this brilliant novel of love, resilience, and the power of lifelong friendship."

Why I Can't Wait to Read it - I absolutely adore John Green, I was a hardcore fan of The Fault in Our Stars and I've been waiting for a new book from him ever since but even if John hadn't written this book I'd still be all over it because it features a main character who has OCD, an illness that I myself have. My expectations for this book are sky high and I have everything crossed that this book lives up to them.

There's Someone Inside Your House 
by Stephanie Perkins
Publication Date: 5th October 2017 
Synopsis: "Over a year after her parents sent her away from Hawaii to live with her grandmother in landlocked Nebraska, Makani Young is still adjusting to her new life. She's made a small group of close friends and even flirted with romance, but her past in Hawaii is still hard to forget.

And then . . . one by one the students of her new high school begin to die in a series of gruesome murders. Makani doesn't know who's next on the list. Between this, and a secret scorching relationship with the school weirdo, this school year may turn out to be one to die for . . . literally.

There's Someone Inside Your House by Stephanie Perkins will have you swooning with fear and romance, and is the perfect page-turner for fans of Scream Queens and I Know What You Did Last Summer."

Why I Can't Wait to Read it - Stephanie Perkins is one of my favourite contemporary authors and I'm so excited to see what she does with the thriller genre! I already have a proof of this sitting waiting for October to roll around.

The Nowhere Girls by Amy Reed 
Publication Date: 5th October 2017 
Synopsis: "Who are the Nowhere Girls? They're every girl. But they start with just three: Grace, the preacher's daughter who unwittingly moved into the old house of a victim whose pain adorns the walls. Bold Rosina, whose heart has become hardened by all of the straight girls who broke it. And misunderstood Erin, the girl who finds more solace in science and order than she does in people.

They are brought together by the idea of changing the narrative of a girl they had never met, Lucy Moynihan, the victim of a sexual assault who was victimised further by people who found it easier to believe she had cried wolf than to confront what had really happened to her. A girl who, through the course of one evening, went from an excited teenager who felt wanted by a boy for the first time, to someone else entirely, with 'a voice in the darkness, giving her a new name: Slut'. Together, they form the Nowhere Girls, and decide to avenge the rape of a girl none of them knew."

Why I Can't Wait to Read it - I first heard about this book from Zoe after reading her amazing review and I knew I just had to have this book. I love feminist, hard hitting reads and I have a feeling I'm going to love this one!

The Treatment by C.L. Taylor 
Publication Date: 19th October 2017 
Synopsis: "“You have to help me. We’re not being reformed. We’re being brainwashed.”

All sixteen year old Drew Finch wants is to be left alone. She's not interested in spending time with her mum and stepdad and when her disruptive fifteen year old brother Mason is expelled from school for the third time and sent to a residential reform academy she's almost relieved.

Everything changes when she's followed home from school by the mysterious Dr Cobey, who claims to have a message from Mason. There is something sinister about the ‘treatment’ he is undergoing. The school is changing people.

Determined to help her brother, Drew must infiltrate the Academy and unearth its deepest, darkest secrets. Before it’s too late."

Why I Can't Wait to Read it - I've read and loved all of C.L. Taylor's adult thrillers so I have every faith that her venture into YA will be just as good! I was lucky enough to receive a proof of this and although it's firmly on my October TBR I have had a sneaky read of the first few pages and the writing is predictably gripping pulling you in right away!

The Foster Child by Jenny Blackhurst 
Publication Date: 16th November 2017 
Synopsis: "When child psychologist Imogen Reid takes on the case of 11-year-old Ellie Atkinson, she refuses to listen to warnings that the girl is dangerous.

Ellie was the only survivor of a fire that killed her family. Imogen is convinced she's just a sad and angry child struggling to cope with her loss.

But Ellie's foster parents and teachers are starting to fear her. When she gets upset, bad things seem to happen. And as Imogen gets closer to Ellie, she may be putting herself in danger..."

Why I Can't Wait to Read it - Jenny Blackhurst is another writer whose thrillers I absolutely love so when I saw a proof of this up for review on Amazon Vine I snatched it up! I've heard lots of great things from early reviews and I can't wait to get to it soon.

 What new releases can you not wait to snuggle down with this Autumn?

My Favourite Books on Mental Health

Hi guys, as I'm sure most of you already know I suffer with mental health issues. Over the years since being diagnosed with PTSD, OCD, Anxiety and Depression I've read countless books featuring characters with mental illnesses. Today I wanted to share with you some of the best books I've come across in that time. I thought that all of the books mentioned in this post represented mental health in a really honest light. If you're suffering with your mental health or know someone who is I hope that these books help and make you feel a little less alone.

Am I Normal Yet? by Holly Bourne 
Add to Goodreads
Deals With: OCD, Anxiety 
Synopsis: "All Evie wants is to be normal. She’s almost off her meds and at a new college where no one knows her as the girl-who-went-crazy. She’s even going to parties and making friends. There’s only one thing left to tick off her list…

But relationships are messy – especially relationships with teenage guys. They can make any girl feel like they’re going mad. And if Evie can’t even tell her new friends Amber and Lottie the truth about herself, how will she cope when she falls in love?"

Why I Love It- Being totally honest here, if I had to choose one book as my favourite on this list it would be Am I Normal Yet? When it comes to OCD, anxiety and just growing up as a girl, Holly Bourne really gets it. I've suffered from debilitating OCD in the past and this book portrayed the thoughts and feelings I went through at that time so accurately that it's scary. This book is an absolute must read.

When We Collided by Emery Lord 
Add to Goodreads 
Deals With: Bipolar Disorder, Depression 
Synopsis: "Meet Vivi and Jonah: A girl and a boy whose love has the power save or destroy them.

Vivi and Jonah couldn't be more different. Vivi craves anything joyful or beautiful that life can offer. Jonah has been burdened by responsibility for his family ever since his father died. As summer begins, Jonah resigns himself to another season of getting by. Then Vivi arrives, and suddenly life seems brighter and better. Jonah is the perfect project for Vivi, and things finally feel right for Jonah. Their love is the answer to everything. But soon Vivi's zest for life falters, as her adventurousness becomes true danger-seeking. Jonah tries to keep her safe, but there's something important Vivi hasn't told him."

Why I Love It- I read When We Collided very recently and absolutely fell in love with it. What I really liked about this book is that it not only follows someone living with a mental illness but also someone who loves someone with a mental illness. I'd especially recommend this book to anyone who is trying to support someone who has either depression or bipolar disorder.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky 
Add to Goodreads 
Deals With: PTSD, Social Anxiety, Depression 
Synopsis:"Charlie is a freshman. And while he's not the biggest geek in the school, he is by no means popular. Shy, introspective, intelligent beyond his years yet socially awkward, he is a wallflower, caught between trying to live his life and trying to run from it. Charlie is attempting to navigate his way through uncharted territory: the world of first dates and mixed tapes, family dramas and new friends; the world of sex, drugs, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show, when all one requires is that perfect song on that perfect drive to feel infinite. But Charlie can't stay on the sideline forever. Standing on the fringes of life offers a unique perspective. But there comes a time to see what it looks like from the dance floor."

Why I Love It- The Perks of Being a Wallflower has become a bit of a mental health classic and if you've read it then you'll know why. This is a book that really gets it right and somehow manages to put those dark, devastating feelings into coherent sentences. When I read this back in 2012 I remember reading passages out to my parents and saying "This is what it's like for me!" It also has a stellar film adaptation that is well worth watching after reading this book.

Underwater by Marisa Reichardt 
Add to Goodreads 
Deals With: PTSD, Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Panic Attacks
Synopsis:"Morgan didn’t mean to do anything wrong that day. Actually, she meant to do something right. But her kind act inadvertently played a role in a deadly tragedy. In order to move on, Morgan must learn to forgive—first someone who did something that might be unforgivable, and then herself.

But Morgan can’t move on. She can’t even move beyond the front door of the apartment she shares with her mother and little brother. Morgan feels like she’s underwater, unable to surface. Unable to see her friends. Unable to go to school.

When it seems Morgan can’t hold her breath any longer, a new boy moves in next door. Evan reminds her of the salty ocean air and the rush she used to get from swimming. He might be just what she needs to help her reconnect with the world outside."

Why I Love It- Underwater is another fairly recent read for me that I read in January this year. The character in this book is actually housebound because of her mental illnesses which is something that I was for a while so I found this book incredibly relatable. This book focuses more on mental health recovery which I found really refreshing to read. I loved the hopeful message that things can and will get better. No matter what you've been through and how bad your mental illnesses are there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson 
Add to Goodreads 
Deals With: Eating Disorders, Anorexia
Synopsis:"“Dead girl walking”, the boys say in the halls.
“Tell us your secret”, the girls whisper, one toilet to another.
I am that girl. I am the space between my thighs, daylight shining through. I am the bones they want, wired on a porcelain frame.

Lia and Cassie are best friends, wintergirls frozen in matchstick bodies, competitors in a deadly contest to see who can be the skinniest. But what comes after size zero and size double-zero? When Cassie succumbs to the demons within, Lia feels she is being haunted by her friend’s restless spirit."

Why I Love It- Like Perks, Wintergirls has also become a mental health classic over the years. I read this one way back in 2009 but to this day it still sticks with me as being the best book that I've read about anorexia. This wasn't a book that I could personally relate to but it was one that really opened my eyes to the world of eating disorders. I remember it being incredibly powerful and evocative to read and like all Laurie Halse Anderson books it's beautifully written.

Beautiful Broken Things 
by Sara Barnard 
Add to Goodreads 
Deals With: PTSD, Anxiety, Depression 
Synopsis:"I was brave
She was reckless
We were trouble

Best friends Caddy and Rosie are inseparable. Their differences have brought them closer, but as she turns sixteen Caddy begins to wish she could be a bit more like Rosie – confident, funny and interesting. Then Suzanne comes into their lives: beautiful, damaged, exciting and mysterious, and things get a whole lot more complicated. As Suzanne’s past is revealed and her present begins to unravel, Caddy begins to see how much fun a little trouble can be. But the course of both friendship and recovery is rougher than either girl realises, and Caddy is about to learn that downward spirals have a momentum of their own."

Why I Love It- Beautiful Broken Things is one of my favourite reads of this year so far and one that I've been pushing absolutely everyone to read. I'd especially recommend this to anyone who has a friend with a mental illness as this book shows how best to (and best not) support them.

There are so many incredible books out there representing mental health, these are just a handful of my favourites. I have so many books sitting on my bookcase featuring mental health that I have yet to read. Whatever you're going through you are not alone. I want to end this post by leaving a link to this excellent list on Goodreads sharing books dealing with mental illness that is well worth checking out.

Review for Am I Normal Yet? by Holly Bourne

Am I Normal Yet? by Holly Bourne 
Publisher: Usborne
Release: 1st August 2015
Genre: Contemporary, UKYA, Mental Health, Feminism
Source: Copy received from the publisher in exchange for an honest review





Synopsis:

"All Evie wants is to be normal. And now that she's almost off her meds and at a new college where no one knows her as the-girl-who-went-nuts, there's only one thing left to tick off her list... But relationships can mess with anyone's head - something Evie's new friends Amber and Lottie know only too well. The trouble is, if Evie won't tell them her secrets, how can they stop her making a huge mistake?"

Review 
Every so often a book comes along that feels like it was written especially for you, Am I Normal Yet? was one of those books for me. Holly Bourne tackles the big issues that teenage girls face daily: feminism, mental health, friendship and boy drama and shows how these themes are intertwined and affect one another making life as a teenage girl treacherous to navigate.

The book follows Evie’s story as she tries to live a normal life, something that is fundamentally difficult with OCD rituals controlling her. I developed OCD in my teens and although it manifested itself in a different form to Evie’s I found myself nodding along as I recognized the anxiety and intrusive thoughts that Evie had as being similar to my own. Holly Bourne handles OCD compassionately and realistically as we see how the condition affects Evie’s life.

Along with her OCD, Evie is trying to manage the growing distance between herself and her best friend Jane now that Jane has a new boyfriend, as well as dealing with her own boy problems as she dips her toes back into the pool of dating. At college Evie meets two girls, Amber and Lottie, who quickly become new friends as they bond over heartbreak and feminism.

The way that Holly Bourne worked feminism into her story was really well done. Rather than telling the reader about feminism she showed how feminism was relevant to the numerous situations the characters found themselves in making it accessible and relatable to young girls. I loved how Evie and her friends were just getting started on their journey into feminism and so they were each at different stages and continued to learn as they went along.

For me, Am I Normal Yet? is Holly Bourne’s best book to date. At last a YA book has come along that challenges the mixed messages that modern society sends out to girls and introduces young openly feminist characters who I’m sure will become heroes to teen girls everywhere. Am I Normal Yet? is a must read for anyone who recognises just how tough being a girl really is.

YALC Diary: Saturday Day One

It’s Saturday which means it’s officially day one of YALC! Rach and I travelled to London last night and I have to say that the weekend didn’t start well for me.

After a hot and sweaty tube ride that involved carrying bags of heavy books up and down flights of stairs I was looking forward to a good night’s sleep so I’d feel rested and ready for a busy weekend. Unfortunately I had no such luck.

Our hotel is great in itself however I was given an unfortunate room located on the ground floor of a busy street. There’s no air con so if I don’t want to boil myself alive I have to sleep with the window open which not only lets in all of the street noise but all of the smoke from the guest smoking pit outside too. That along with my neighbours and their kids checking in next door to me at 4am left this asthmatic insomniac with only a few hours’ sleep. Needless to say this morning I was tired, flustered and running low on patience.

The first thing I saw before Earls Court itself was swarms and swarms of people queueing to get inside. I was immediately overwhelmed. We were standing in line and being moved around for what felt like forever under the beating sun and to make matters worse we had a group blatantly push in right in front of us. Luckily Rach and I had this nice guy and his young son behind us who wasn’t having any of it and told them so but unfortunately that led to them getting the hump and shouting at us which really put me on edge with my PTSD.

Me (left) and Rach (right) waiting to get in

When we finally got in thousands of people were literally packed in like sardines in a tin, there was no air con, sweat was dripping from people and I basically felt like I’d made a huge mistake in estimating how well I could handle this.

YALC itself was a roaring success there’s no doubt about it but I have to be honest and say that I don’t think that LFCC was the right place to host it and I know that pretty much everybody I spoke to felt the same way. The majority of readers are quiet, introverted people and I know that for a lot of us Comic Con was too much.

Not only was LFCC ridiculously overcrowded but the Book Zone was placed in a small corner of the venue right next to Stan Lee’s event which were obviously massively popular. I attended one panel and one workshop and after that gave up on them because I couldn’t hear a thing that was said over the noise of the crowd which was really disappointing as I’m sure what the authors had to say was very interesting.

Another issue I had was that there was no clear queue’s for signings and nobody was monitoring them which lead to more than one queue waiting for one author and a lot of pushing in which was very annoying after waiting for a good hour for some guests.

To be honest it was absolute chaos which is completely understandable being the first ever YALC. I don’t think anybody was prepared for the popularity of the event but now that they know that there’s a big audience for it I hope that these issues can be resolved next year and I think the biggest change needs to be a YALC only venue.

The Book Zone had this lovely little chill out area with a book wall and beanbag chairs. It was the perfect place to escape to catch a breather and talk to other book lovers. I’m being completely honest in saying that I don’t think I would have stuck around all day if I didn’t have such good people around me. I was so touched by everybody who came up to me asking how I was finding it and I loved that so many of you shared your own experiences with anxiety, panic attacks and OCD with me. It was so cathartic to share stories and get through this crazy day together.

My biggest convention lesson learned is to talk to the people around you. After all you obviously share the same interests which are a great ice breaker! It was so lovely to not only finally meet blogger friends but to also meet new bookish people. Rach and I were queueing to meet Rainbow Rowell for a good hour and got chatting to some lovely girls in front of us which made the time pass really quickly. Funnily enough after that we kept bumping into each other in different queues completely by chance and so we dubbed ourselves “queue buddies.” What was even more surreal was when I gave Charlotte my Twitter handle only to find out that we already follow each other! Small world!

Queue Buddies!

A really random moment for me was when I accidentally bumped into somebody and turned around to apologise only to see that that person was Lena Headey who plays Cersei in Game of Thrones. Turns out that the Book Zone being right next to the Green Room definitely had its perks!

I met so many wonderful authors and bloggers today both at YALC and The Fringe afterwards. I’d love to give a shout out to every single person I met but there are just too many of you and I’m bound to forget somebody which I’d feel terrible about. I will say that everybody I met was absolutely lovely and if I met you please know that I had such a great time talking to you!

UKYA book bloggers at The Fringe

Today’s author highlights for me were C.J. Skuse, Holly Bourne and Natasha Ngan who all made plenty of time to chat to their fans. I also really enjoyed meeting Patrick Ness and Rainbow Rowell although due to their MAHOOSIVE queues it was only a quick “hi” and “bye” which is completely understandable. I was just so happy to meet them at all!

Rainbow Rowell signing books

The lovely Holly Bourne signing my books

Overall Saturday was a rollercoaster of emotions with plenty of highs and lows. It was chaotic and stressful but also wonderful and exciting. The lovely people around me really made today what it was and that has made me love the UKYA community even more, if such a thing is possible.

Check out Day Two of my YALC Diary here

For more of my Saturday adventures check out Rach's write up here

YALC is happening and I'm freaking out!

The thing about anxiety is that there is no room for excitement. If you think about it anxiety is pretty much the opposite of excitement and so it makes sense that even when I'm really looking forward to something my default reaction is to freak out and worry about it.

YALC is happening in a few days and my anxiety is really kicking in. I hate that anxiety takes away all of the fun in looking forward to something but I also know from years of experience that all of the worst case scenarios that my head is making up are very unlikely to actually happen. Today I thought it might be therapeutic to share all of my worries with you guys because who knows? Maybe some of you have felt the same way or are also having similar worries about YALC.

Anxiety and OCD
1.) Part of my OCD means that I need my days to be as scheduled as possible. I'm probably the least spontaneous person you'll ever meet. Although I have a schedule written up for YALC I know that this probably isn't going to go to plan. Panel's might run out of tickets, I might be queuing for longer than anticipated for signings, and with the workshop tickets having a lottery system there's no guarantee that I'll get into them at all. Knowing that my day won't be perfectly structured is a really difficult thing for me to deal with.

2.) I'm going to YALC with my best friend Rachel but there are a couple of things we want to do separately. There is also the chance that one of us will get into a workshop and the other won't. This means that there will be times where I'm going to be alone in a really busy crowd which can sometimes lead to a panic attack.

3.) What if I have a panic attack when I'm in a queue and I have to leave and forfeit my place? What if I have a panic attack because I'm in a crowd and feeling claustrophobic? What if I have a panic attack and I'm alone? I know I can always go outside for some space and fresh air and luckily our hotel is 5 minutes away if I feel like I need a longer break but when I'm in the midst of an attack I'm not always thinking clearly.

General Worries
1.) My brain does this thing where it likes to think of every worst case scenario that could happen and torture me with it: Missing a train, forgetting tickets, horrible hotel, lost booking, finding where we need to go etc; I'm especially worried about the things that are my responsibility such as looking after the tickets which links back to my OCD and having to check that they're in my bag several times.

2.) What if nobody likes me? It's one thing talking to bloggers, authors and publicists online but meeting them? What if I'm not who they expect me to be? What if I'm a disappointment? What if I don't fit in? I haven't been to a proper blogger event before and I'm really nervous to meet so many online people at once. Especially as I know that after years of blogging and going to events a lot of other bloggers know one another really well and although I've been doing this for a long time this will be my first time meeting everyone and that scares me. Should I approach people and say hello? Or would they rather be left alone?

3.) Being an anxious person I tend to be either really quiet or full of nervous energy and chatting away none stop. I'm very socially awkward and have always said that I communicate better through my hands and writing than I do with talking. What if I come across as a nervous babbling idiot?

Some of you might be reading this thinking "if you're that worried why bother going at all?" The thing with anxiety is that it's not fact. They're just thoughts and the worst case scenarios hardly ever happen. I know full well that I'll probably have one of the best weekends of my life but that doesn't stop my brain from ruining the anticipation. All too often in my life anxiety has held me back and my approach to dealing with it over the last couple of years is feel the fear and do it anyway. I also love these quotes from Just One Day by Gayle Forman a book that really changed my life.

“I think everything is happening all the time, but if you don't put yourself in the path of it, you miss it.” ― Gayle Forman, Just One Day 

“It's funny the things you think you're scared of until they're upon you, and then you're not.” ― Gayle Forman, Just One Day 

I think you do things that scare you, and that makes you braver than those adrenaline junkies who bungee-jump off bridges.” ― Gayle Forman, Just One Day 

“You thought too hard. Same with travel. You can't work too much at it, or it feels like work. You have to surrender yourself to the chaos. To the accidents.” ― Gayle Forman, Just One Day

These particular quotes for this particular event hold a double meaning as not only do they help me face my fears but they also remind me of why I love books and the whole reason behind this event in the first place.

I'm hoping that YALC will be one great and beautiful accident.

Revisited: OCD, the Kindle and Me

Some of you may remember a post I did a little while ago called ‘OCD, The Kindle and Me’ where I talked about how my OCD affects the relationship I have with my Kindle and reading. I wanted to give you a bit of an update on this today and revisit the issue.

We’re currently in the process of decorating which is stressful at the best of times and for me a bit of a nightmare. A large part of my OCD is the need to have everything in its place and doing certain rituals and checking to prevent the high anxiety and worry that something bad will happen if these checks are not performed. A lot of the items I’d usually check have been put into storage meaning I can’t do my OCD reassurances.

The first few days I was a complete mess; hysterically crying and having several panic attacks. However over the last few days I haven’t felt so bad. It’s definitely gotten easier and it feels strangely liberating dealing with the panic head on and not burying it under false promises and unnecessary bargaining.

Another big change is that a lot of my books are now unavailable to me in storage. I actually can’t believe I’m about to type this but my Kindle has become my new best friend! I can’t keep rummaging through boxes of books looking for a specific title and so I’ve been reading more on my Kindle. I used to read one or two books a month on it if that but now the last four books I’ve read on the date that I’m writing this post have been on my Kindle. This is a huge deal for me as you’ll know if you’ve read my ‘OCD, The Kindle and Me’ post. I literally don’t know what I’d have done without my Kindle these past couple of weeks.

The stressful process of decorating has been a bit of a blessing in disguise forcing me to confront a few of my OCD related issues. I’ve definitely become more comfortable reading on my Kindle and only hope that I don’t revert back to my old ways once we’ve finished decorating. That’s not to say that I no longer love my physical books. I do still prefer them but now being able to read on my Kindle too is a welcome bonus. I’m so proud that I’ve reached my goals for project learning to love my Kindle. Although some may think overcoming an OCD related fear of Kindle reading is a bit strange and trivial it’s one step closer to overcoming all aspects of my OCD that have ultimately controlled my life for years and I couldn’t be happier!

Author Cammie McGovern Guest Post: Writing a Character With OCD

Last month I had the pleasure of reading an incredibly special book a month before its release date and ever since then I've been trying to persuade everybody to pre-order a copy. That book is Amy and Matthew. It's a beautifully written YA Contemporary with realistic characters that is absolutely perfect for fans of Eleanor and Park. But what really stood out to me was Matthew a character who has crippling OCD. Having OCD myself I really connected with his daily struggles of managing mundane tasks that other people may not think twice about. Cammie wrote one of the most realistic fictional portrayals of OCD that I've ever read so I invited her on to the blog today to talk a little bit about her experience writing a character with OCD to celebrate the release date for Amy and Matthew which is out in the UK today. If you'd like to hear more on my thoughts about Amy and Matthew check out my review here.

Writing About OCD by Cammie McGovern 

The most interesting discovery I made in writing Matthew, a character with OCD, is how many people read a little bit about OCD and think they have it. As I researched, I diagnosed seeds of it in myself as a teenager. I also recognized it in my oldest son who is seventeen and has autism. For me, though the real surprise came when my fourteen-year-old son read Amy and Matthew and came into my room afterward. It was late at night and he whispered softly, “You based Matthew on me, didn’t you?”

Of our three children, he is our most outgoing and most social kid. In his group, I think of him as the relatively easy-going one who navigates the moodiness and hilarity of his friends with an even keel. “God no,” I said, stunned. Where had this idea come from? Most nights, as I lie on my bed reading, he leans into my bathroom mirror, examines his face for new patches of acne, and tells me stories about his crowd that get me laughing so hard I get tears in my eyes. “I do all that stuff,” he whispered that night. “I make deals all day long—if I make it to my locker in ten steps, my test will go well…If I don’t step on any lines, I’ll get an A…”

He’d never told me this before. In fact, I’d never thought of him as particularly anxious or as someone who would dabble in the—I’m not sure how else to put it—the illogical comforts of OCD deal-making. I remembered doing it all the time when I was a teenager, but I was far shier and less social than he. I didn’t travel school hallways with a pack of friends, so I had plenty of time to walk on blue tiles only and touch certain heating vents.

When my youngest son, the ten year old, overheard us talking about it again the next morning, he cornered me that afternoon and whispered, “Those things you and Charlie were talking about, I do them too. All the time—"

By this point, it was slightly less of a surprise, or maybe I’d learned something, not about my children, but about OCD. In my research, it’s often described as the mental illness that afflicts the otherwise sanest people you’ll ever meet. Frequently very bright, people with OCD nearly always recognize the irrationality of compulsive thoughts. They know the stove has been turned off; still their brain insists on checking. They know step counts won’t effect a test score; still their brain insists it will.

Perhaps in the chaotic pressure of navigating adolescence and all the changes one has no control over, OCD thoughts provide the comfort of some illusory control. I know they did for me without becoming too obtrusive later in life. They kept me busy as I navigated hallways filled with people who weren’t my friends. I don’t mean to equate an adolescent propensity toward mild OCD with the more serious, more debilitating form that Matthew and so many others experience. I only mean to say that if you have it and talk about it, I suspect you’ll be amazed at how many people recognize immediately what you are saying. It’s not as illogical or ridiculous as you suspect it might be. It’s a complicated bargain with the abstractions we have all wrestled mightily with: perfection, luck, safety, hope. It’s our brain playing games to keep us well. If I do these things, everything will work out. Maybe it’s a kind of creative faith, or a tool. Or maybe it’s a way for a fourteen year old kid with a lot on his plate to seem easy-going. I’m not sure. I just know you’re not crazy and you’re not alone.

END 

Thank you so much for this wonderful post Cammie! 

 If you'd like to hear more from Cammie follow her on Twitter @CammieMcGovern 

 Amy and Matthew is available to buy in all good bookshops across the UK as of today

OCD, the Kindle and Me

Lately I’ve noticed that more and more publishers are relying on websites like Netgalley to get early proof copies to book bloggers. Recently I’ve been receiving more emails with a direct link to download an e-galley than I have with offers of a physical proof to read and whilst I think this is fantastic for a lot of reasons I couldn’t help but wonder if this is the way publicity is going in the future and how bloggers who don’t own or dislike e-readers feel about this new digital approach.

Personally I like my Kindle Paperwhite but I LOVE my physical books and really can’t see that ever changing. I have so many exciting books on my Kindle right now but they often get neglected in favour of physical books. In fact I’ll often be excited about an early e-proof for all of a day and then decide that I’d actually much rather wait and buy a finished copy which some people might think is a little crazy when I’m given the chance to read these books sometimes months in advance which brings me nicely on to a realisation I made the other day.

After thinking about this topic a lot over the last few weeks I realised that a large part of why I prefer not to read on my Kindle is because of my OCD. Part of my condition means that I have to do things as thoroughly and correctly as possible and when I’m reading on my Kindle I don’t feel like I’m getting the full reading experience. This is kind of silly when I’m quite happy to read proof copies that are subject to change but try telling my OCD that. I don’t get it either.

So after a lot of thought I have decided to make this year Project Learning to Love My Kindle. At the moment I tend to read one Kindle book per month (if that) and I’d like to start trying to up that to two or three books a month. I’m tired of not reading the books I want to read because I have this irrational fear of not reading the book properly. There are lots of pros for me personally for reading more on my Kindle and it’ll also help tackle an aspect of my OCD which can only be a good thing. I’m not saying that I want to become a full on Kindle advocate but if I can get to a stage where I feel like I can happily read what I want to on my Kindle that would be great.

If you’re a blogger who doesn’t own or dislikes e-readers I’d love to know how you feel about the rise of websites like Netgalley? Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on the latest thing? If you’re a publisher is there a future for paper proof copies? Or are you a reader who hates missing out on exclusive e-book short stories from your favourite authors? If for whatever reason you’ve ever missed out on reading a book due to a dislike of e-readers I feel your pain.